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About Nagoya

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First stop, I’m at the park on Koshigaya Street. Beautiful trees, man. I’m talkin’ cherry blossoms, big ol’ oaks, the works. But then, I see this massive branch hangin’ by a thread. Like, c’mon, nature! You gotta do better! So, I climb up, and as I’m up there, I hear this kid yellin’, “Look, Mom! A monkey!” I’m like, “Nah, kid, just your friendly neighborhood arborist.”

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